Kõigepealt suur tänu kõigi kommentaaride eest kõikjal kanalites- need on mulle väga olulised!
Nagu siinsetes postitustes varemgi märkitud, olin enne ônnetust ja mône aasta vältel taastumisajalgi väga sirgjooneline kôige etteplaneerija, juhustele ma erilist (vôinoh, mitteüldse) ruumi ei jätnud. Minu “lôppemiste kümnend” on mulle selle môttelaadi mitteratsionaalsust valusasti näidanud.
Inglise keeles on väga levinud väärtuslik seisukoht “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it” ehk vôimalike tulevikuprobleemide pärast muretsemine ja ette kurvastamine ei ole môistlik – probleemiga tuleb tegeleda siis, kui see kätte on jôudnud, mitte varem.
Mône tühisema igapäeva-mure korral olen ise suutnud seda väga edukalt rakendada (“ah, läheb, kuis läheb”), aga sügavamalt ekistentsiaalsete asjaolude puhul on tee sillani tihti tulvil nôgesepuhmastest ja “palavalt armastatud” takjapõõsastest ehk sillani jôudmiseni on käega löömine tôesti ületamatu väljakutse. Suur pabistamine on siis väga tavaline.
Tegelikult nii ei tohiks, sest sellisel juhul on ebaônnestumise korral kaotusvalu topeltsuur – pikk pôdemine enne silda ja uuesti, kui see pauk päriselt tuleb.
Sellestsamast topeltkannatusest kirjutavad ühisraamatus “The book of Joy” ka Tema Pühadus Dalai Lama ja Lôuna-Aafrika Vabariigi endine Peapiiskop Desmond Tutu. Raamatu maailma spirituaalsetele liidrite intervjuudest on kokku pannud väga laia silmavaatega kirjanik-toimetaja Douglas Carlton Adams, lisades selle peatükkidesse palju infot intervjuudest-uurimustest erinevate teaduspôhiste käsitluste valdkondades nüüdsetes ülikoolides.
Ta kirjutab ühe USA ülikooli uuringust fMRI masinas kontrollitud ajude käitumise kohta inimeste puhul, kes on pikaajaliselt mediteerimisega tegelenud vôrrelduns nendega, kellest see teguviis suure kaarega mööda on läinud. Uuringus lastakse katsealustele helisignaal, millele järgneb mingite sekindite pärast valureaktsiooni esilekutsumine.
Ajupilt paljastab selged erinevused kahe katsegrupi vahel – mediteerimis-harjumuseta inimesed hakkasid kohe pärast hoiatavat helisignaali saabuva valureaktsiooni pärast ette kannatama ja muretsema, tundes valu saabudes ju kokkuvôttes topeltkannatusi. Teisalt suhtusid mediteerijate ajud helisignaali sügava häirimatusega ehk tundsid valu tegelikult vaid ühe korra. Kadestamisväärne seisund, mis tagab ilmselge rahulolu ja muretu elu, näib mulle.
Muidugi on ônnetunne topeltsuur just siis, kui pärast pikka pabistamist hoopis vôit tuleb. Ootused selles osas on lihtsalt nii maha surutud, et ônn näib mitmekordsena.
Ootuste vähendamist on ühe oma tegevuse aspektina märkinud ka edukas väärtusinvestor Charlie Munger,.
Tee sillani oleks muretsemise ja väga mahasurutud ootuste tingimustes küllalt muserdav ja koormav. Seetôttu oleks ilmselt ôigem tegeleda probleemiga tôesti alles siis, kui see kätte on jôudnud, mitte oma meeli tükil ajal varem hoolega nüpeldada.
Ambitsioonika ja väga optimistliku inimesena pean oluliseks uskumist kõige paremasse võimalikku lahendusse, kuigi nii mõnedki on väitnud läbimurrete saabumisest alles pärast lootuse täielikku kadumist. Selline elu oleks liiga kurb, et elamisväärne olla – ja õnne- või rahulolu-seisund on ju meie endi teha – milleks seda rikkuda?
Ilusat sôbrapäeva, armsad kaasamôtlejad! Hoidugem enesepiinamisest 🙂
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First of all – thank you so much for all the comments in all the different channels – they are incredibly important to me!
As noted a few times before in these posts, I used to be a very straightforward person, planning everything in detail before the accident and a few years into the rehabilitation as well, not leaving much (ok, any) room for coincidence. My “decade of endings” has proved it to be very irrational.
It is quite common in English to say “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it” or worrying about probable future problems is greatly unwise – problems only need dealing with once they’ve turned up.
In case of some trivial every-day issues, I’ve managed to apply this method splendidly (“ok, never mind, we’ll see how it goes”) but in case of some more existential matter, the road to the bridge is often flooded with burning nettles and the “blessed” burdock bushes, making the trouble free travel to the bridge inhuman, to put it mildly. Worrying plentifully occurs quite often in these situations.
This is not the way to go, if we look at it objectively because in the event of failure, the pain of loss is multiplied – the long suffering beforehand and then again once the pain really arrives.
The same is very well described in the book “The book of Joy” by His Holiness, the Dalai Lama and the ex Archbishop of South Africa, Desmond Tutu. The editor of this book by the leaders of the spiritual world is Douglas Carlton Adams who added many interviews with scientists and research-results of modern universities to each chapter.
He writes about a research from a university from the States about different brain behavioirs of constantly meditating people compared to those who’ve not done it, monitored by the fMRI machine. The subjects hear an audio signal, followed by induction of pain response a few seconds later.
Brain reveals the differences of the two test groups quite clearly – people with no significant meditatin background started to suffer after the alarm already due to fear of the upcoming pain response, feeling pain twice altogether once the real pain had arrived. The meditators, in the other hand, didn’t seem to care about the signal whatsoever, feeling pain only once as it really arrived.This is highly enviable condition that seems somewhat inhuman to reach in my opinion. Still, it rewards such peace of mind.
The positive achievement, on the other hand, seems double wonderful, if the expectations are decreased very low with all the worrying and considering the “rational viewpoints”. Lowering expectations has been an important aspect to a brilliant investor Charlie Munger, as he has mentioned.
Coming to the bridge is exeptionally depressing in light of constant worry and suffering. This viewpoint makes it very rational to “hold the horses” with the upcoming possible inconvenience. Troubling oneself beforehand seems quite irrationaöl indeed.
As an overly optimistic amitious person I find it important to continue believing in the best possible outcome, even though many have claimed to have experienced breakthroughs when the hope was shattered in pieces only. This kind of life would be too sad to continue living, I believe – do not forget that the feeling of happiness or satisfaction is our own doing completely- why ruin the feeling?
Happy Valentine’s Day, dear co-thinkers! Avoid tormenting yourselves J