Nagu eelmises postituses märkisin, tegelen praegu uue värvi lisamisega oma haridus- ja elukutsespektrisse kogemusnôustamise näol.
Psühholoogilise suunitlusega koolitusel (kogemusnôustaja on siiski pigem psühholoogiline tugi) harjutame igas teemas värskelt ôpitud teadmisi ja psühhoteraapia tehnikaid üksteise peal ja tallume erinevate grupitööde käigus julmalt üksteise “konnasilmadel” koolituse hädavajaliku osana. Vahel päädib see ka virilamate ôpilaste (loe: minu) haleda pisaratevalamisega. See teatav enesereflektsioon aitab ju palju meid endidki ja puhastab vanadest haavadest.
Uurin teiste teemade kôrval ka psühholoogiateemat vabal ajalgi suure huvi ja loomuliku enesetäiendussooviga.
Ühel hommikul pakkus minu arvates väga rikastavate tähelepanuväärsete TED-kônede kollekteerimis-süsteem mulle väga pôneva kône oma varateismelise lapse avarii käigus kaotanud psühhoterapeut Lucy Hoanilt just leinast üle saamise strateegiatega.
Lein on teema, millega kôik mingi trauma üle elanud inimesed kahjuks kokku puutuma peavad – trauma ei pruugi ometi olla mitte mingil moel sarnane minu omaga – igasugune järsu psühhilise valu toonud elumuutus on trauma.
Mina olen pidanud leinaga, millega surmal mingit pistmist pole, pärast õnnetust ikka uskumatult palju kokku pidanud. Ma kuulun vôib-olla muidugi ka drama queen inimsektsiooni 😀 ehk minu üleelamised ei ole just ülemäära ülekantavad.
Teiste strateegiate kôrval tôi ta minu arvates erakordselt lihtsasti igapäevastesse tegemistesse liidetava vôtte – iga tegevuse/inimese/môtte puhul peaks kaaluma, kas see tegevus/ selline mõttelõng/ see inimene aitab vôi kahjustab mind psühholoogilises vaates.
Kôlab väga must-valgelt, aga tihti ongi karmid otsused just need, mis edasi viivad. Kui mingi tegevus vôi inimene môjub kahjustavalt, ei ole môtet seda/teda hoida – ankrutest tuleb julma südamega vabaneda, et elu edasi lennelda saaks ja meeltesse rahu tuleks.
Loodan, et ma siinkohal iseendale auku ei kaeva, nii et mind nii tohutult aidanud sôbrad-lähedased minust loobuda otsustaksid. Püüan väga psüühilise valu pôhjustamisest hoiduda ja selles vallas teie igapäeva pigem rõõmu ja päikest tuua.
On elutähtis tähele panna ja tegeleda ettevôtmistega, mis rôôme ja arenguid toovad ning hoida enda lähedal inimesi, kes selliseid häid emotsioone anda suudavad. Need on kuuluvad ühisnimetaja alla “aitajad”.
Hallid toonid kedagi ei aita – aga tean omast käest, kui kohutavat raske on must-valge kasuks otsustada, sest môtted keelduvad reeglina môistuspäraste lahendustega kaasa minema ja liiguvad nii vôi naa oma tervistkahjustavat rada. Aga see teebki kohutavalt haiget iseendale ja rohke pisaratevalamise tôttu ka lähedastele.
Lisaks ôppisin koolitusel väga asjaliku môtte (mida enda ônnetuse-järgses elus pärast selle infokillu omandamist ka teadlikult kasutada püüan, enne olin lihtsalt piripill) – aeg parandab ainult need haavad, mis on pisaratega puhtaks pestud. Teised haavad lähevad mädanema ja ei paranegi.
Esimesele môttele tuginedes soovitan haavu pisaratega pesta vaid üksi olles – muidu hakkavad need lôppkokkuvôttes siiski kahjustama, süvendades lähedaste/tunnistajate haavasid.
Môned haavad on mingil müstilisel pôhjusel nii sügavad, et môôdukas meretäiski pisaraid neid puhtaks pesta ei suuda. Nende lahtimôtestamiseks oleks vaja psühhoterapeudi-teadmisi ning neilt peab kindlasti vajadusel abi otsima.
*****************************************************************************
As I pointed out in my last post, I enrich my educatiocational and professional rainbow with a completely new colour in the form of experience-based counceling referring to my traumatic brain injury and miscellanous knowledge from different scientific articles on neurology.
In the mostly psychological training (experience-based counceling is rather psychological support) we practice the newly learned wisdom on easch other, pressing cruelly on each other’s most painful spots as a necssary part of that kind of education. It sometimes leads to pitiful shedding of tears among the most whining students (read: me 😀 ). That self reflection helps us, the students, tremendously, as it helps dissolve our own old painful poisonous blisters..
In my spare time I also study paychology-related topics among other wide area of interests I have.
One morning I was found a very interesting speech by Lucy Hoan, a psycho-therapist that had lost her teenage-daughter in a car accident. She spoke of grief and strategies of overcoming it.
Grief is something every injury-survivor must handle in a way or another unfortunately – the trauma doesn’t have to be similar to mine in any way – every life changing event that’s caused sharp psychologilcal pain, is injury after all.
After my accident I’ve had to overcome unbelievable loads of grief that has nothing to do with death. Lucky me, don’t you think? 😀 This, of course, cannot be transferred to anyone with similar brain injury as I’m rather a drama queen anyway.
Alongside other strategies she pointed out one that can be integrated to one’s everyday life amazingly esily – for every thought/action/person one should consider if it helps or harms him/her in psychological sense.
It may seem too black and white but tough decisions are often the ones that actually carry us on. If a certain activity or person affects you in a harmful way, there is no need to hold on to it/them – one must get rid of the anchors cold heartedly for the chance to carry on with peaceful mind.
I sincerely hope I’m not digging my own grave here and make all my close ones, that’ve helped me tremendously, think it’s better to let me go. I give my best not to cause them any psychological pain and rather bring you sunshine and joy in that sense.
It is also quite vital to notice and deal with activities/ people that bring you joy and development in some way. These are combined in the “help”-department.
The gray shades don’t help anyone – I know first hand how terribly hard it is to decide in such black snd white colours because the mind usually refuses to go along the reasonable way and keep the mind-destruction in vigorous action. This is the very hurtful element for oneself and also close ones due to the flood of tears.
I also learned that time only heals the wounds that’ve been washed clean with tears. Other wounds rot away and never really heal. I’ve actually used this quite conciously after learning it, earlier I used to be a simple cry-baby 😀
To avoid hurting others I suggest washing your wounds with tears only while being alone, otherwise the tears will start hurting anyway, digging close people’s wounds deeper.
To be fair, I’ve found some wounds to be so deep that even an immense amount of tears won’t clean them for some mysterious reason. In this case I stronly suggest visiting a psychologist, I know I visit one when needed.