Nôustamine on kahesuunaline tee /Counselling is a two way street

Nagu môned teist juba teavad, on praegu käimas praktika minu kogemisnôustamise kutse saamiseks. Kuigi ma ei küündi selgelt nõustajate paremiku hulka, meeldib mulle inimestega suhelda ja nende vaatepunkte môista, mistôttu on see peatükk uue ameti omandamisel ôpetanud palju minulegi.

Üks minu klientidest on minust môned aastad vanem mees, kelle elukutse on väga maskuliinne, tuline ja käsuliinidele üles ehitatud.

Rääkisime temaga iseseisvalt hakkamasaamisest (ta on selles vallas  imetlusväärselt palju saavutanud, olen tôesti kade) ja autoga sôitmisest. Kui ma avaldasin talle asjaolu minu sôitmise vôimatusest manuaalkäigukastiga autoga oma vasaku käe halvatuse tôttu (lihtsalt märkisin, et ma seda praegu ei saa), manitses ta mind mitte vinguma (lihtsalt märkisin oma tervislikku olukorda, vinguivaid inimesi ma ei salli niikuinii) – ta väitis, et käe peab tööle SUNDIMA. Hämmastav. See on küll tema elukutsele täiesti vastav suhtumine, aga rakendatav ka kôigi muu eluvaldkondade esindajate poolt. Sellest ajast suhtun enda mugavusmullist välja trügimisse hoopis uue entusiasmiga! Ja mul on piinlik, et olen nii vähe saavutanud.

Järgnev vôib kôlada lihtsa vabandusena, aga minu arvates ei tohi märkimata jätta erakordselt olulist aspekti iseseisvuse saavutamisel ja tema suurt selleteemalist eelist minu ees – tema saab teha oma otsuseid ise, ilma et keegi teine tôkkeid teele lükkaks ja vastu argumenteeriks ning ei pea oma otsuse poole liikudes mitte kellegagi pöördumatult riidu minema. 

Inimesel, kelle ajalukku on kirjutatud ka “ônnelik” juurvilja-peatükk, on vähe vabadusi enda soovide järgi tegutseda. Aga kaeblemiseks sellegipoolest põhjust ei ole. Paljudel endistel “juurviljadel” ei olegi lähedasi, kes neist hooliksid ja vôimalikest edasistest traumadest säästa püüaksid. Peab hoopis tänulik olema ja püüdma suuremat pilti näha.

Üks teine minu klientidest on paar aastakümmet vanem naine, kelle tuleviku-väljavaated on minu omadest tema neuroloogilise haiguse tôttu väga oluliselt hapramad.

Oleme palju rääkinud olukorraga leppimisest ja enese seatud standarditeni mitteküündimisest. Minu jaoks rabavalt möönas ta ise tänulikkuse vajadust ja märkis asjaolu, (mida ise olen endas kaua juurutanud), et enese olukorra eest peab tänulik olema, sest nii arvukatel sama diagnoodi esindajatel on vôrreldamatult halvem.

Kunagi ei ole môistlik unustada tänulikkuse vajadust nii saatusekäikude, kui inimeste ees sest need, kellele tuleb tänulik olla, peaksid tõepoolest sellest teadma enne, kui hilja on.

Samuti tasub meeles pidada, et iga suhtlemine on kahesuunaline tee – teineteiselt ôppimine, koos rôômustamine ja kurvastamine rikastavad igaühe elu tohutul määral.

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I’ve mentioned in my previous posts and private conversations that I’m going through the internship-stage of my new occupational knowledge – the experienced-based counselling. Despite me being far from a good counsellor, I enjoy communicating with people and understanding their viewpoints, which is why this chapter in the studies has taught me a lot.

One of my clients is a man, a few years older than me, whose occupation is very masculine, fiery and built on lines of command.

We discussed independence issues (I truly envy him in this matter) and driving cars. As I mentioned the reason of not being able to drive a car with manual gearbox due to the current paralyses of my left arm (I only mentioned it, I promise), he told me to stop whining (I really can’t stand whining people, therefore I see no reason to start acting the same way), he told me that if the hand refuses to work, one must MAKE IT WORK forcefully. That kind of attitude is absolutely suitable for his occupation, I must say but I clearly see it working in other fields of life as well. From that moment I have a new attitude towards pushing out of my “comfort zone” and I feel embarrassed of having accomplished so little.

It may sound like an excuse only but I see his huge advantage over me in recovering independence. – he’s able to make his own decisions without anybody blocking the way with numerous arguments and doesn’t have to pull fights with anybody when following his own decisions.

Someone lucky enough to have a “vegetable” chapter written in their history, the liberty of acting upon their own wishes is rather limited. But there’s no reason to complain too much. Many of the ex “vegetables” don’t really have any close ones to care about them and keep them from possible following injuries. One should be thankful and try to see the bigger picture.

Another of my clients is a woman, a few decades older than me, with a severe neurological disease that makes her future prospects seem way bleaker than mine.

We’ve discussed acceptance and not reaching our own high standards. Quite strikingly to me she admitted the need to be thankful and also mentioned that one should be grateful for their own situation because others with the same diagnoses suffer so much more. I’ve actually thought this way for a while. But one has to remind itself of that because human characteristic is not built it being automatic..

Never forget the necessity of gratefulness towards fate and people. And showing it to the right people before it’s too late.

I also ask you to remember that each communication is a two way street – learning from each other, sharing joys and sorrows – enrich us tremendously.

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