Elu triipkood

Vabandan, et pole nii kaua siia kirjutanud – postituste puhul pean ajakavast tähtsamaks sisu. Sôda Ukrainas on lihtsalt toonud nii kohutava masenduse, et palju muud ei olegi mõtetesse mahtunud. Tegelikult on see toonud ka mõne peaaegu et veriseks muutunud ja mône tôsisema peavalu toonud sônasôja haiglas putinistliku palatikaaslasega. Aga sellest sôjast ei taha ma siinkohal enam kirjutada (Ekspress teeb igapäevaselt selles vallas niikuinii palju paremat tööd).

Esimesel haiglajärgsel Suure Reede hommikul kuulasin televiisorist Fred Jüssi môtisklusi, need ei jookse kunagi mööda külge maha 🙂 . Ta ütles muuhulgas, et halbu asju tasub vaadata lihtsalt kui eluseikasid, ei enamat – elusündmusi on ju nii häid, kui halbu ja huvitaval kombel on kasulikumad just viimased, sest halbadest seikadest on palju rohkem ôppida – viisil, millest esmapilgul aru ei saagi. Selle üle môeldes môistsin, et haiget teebki ju negatiivsete sündmuste tagajärgede ülistamine millekski suuremaks ja igavikulisemaks, sündmus ise lööb haava vaid korra. Tagajärgede ketramine môtteis teeb haiget pidevalt ja kauakestvalt, laskmata haaval paraneda – musta vöö omanikuna ülemôtlemises, olen selle argumendi paikapidavust väga väga pôhjalikult kontrollinud 😉 uuesti ja uuesti…

Ta märkis ka, et pôlgamine (elu vôi mône inimese poolt) on küll jube valus, kuid tal on edasiviiv jôud juhul, kui me ei lase sel end defineerida. See viitabki ilmselt ajuti vajalikule mäkke ronimise olulisusele – oskusele pisarad pühkida-haavad kinni ômmelda ja lihtsalt hambad ristis edasi minna, sest teisel pool mäkketôusu on ju ometi ka lôôgastav langus. Seda ei ole môistlik unustada.

Neid seikasid täiesti selja taha jätta on minu arvates ilmselgelt idealistlik soovitus, sest aktiivse môttetööga inimestele see minu tähelepanekutele tuginedes mitte kuidagi vôimalik ei ole. Kôik olnu ja tehtu tuleb niikuinii kaasa (veame neid endi järel elu lôpuni, tahame vôi mitte).

Ma ei näe pôhjust olnud sündmustele mitte vahel harva tagasi môelda – ilusad seigad toovad hea meeleolu, milleta me keegi vist päriselt elada ei taha, halvad seigad löövad haava uuesti – piisaval arvul kordi uuesti klohmida saanuna ôpime vast, et halbadele seikadele tagasi vaatamine ei ole jätkusuutlik. 

Tagasi vaatamine ei tohi siiski kuidagi olla pikaajaline harjumus – elu läheb ju edasi ja tekib aina uusi ilusaid ja koledaid seikasid nagu iga poekauba triipkoodil. Elu triipkood on enamasti lihtsalt palju pikem, kui pasteedi oma. Ehitame oma triipkoode ometi elukestvalt. Selles on erineva paksusega heledad ja tumedad triibud – nagu erineva kaaluga head ja halvad juhtumised elus.

Kui kaubanduses on triipkoodide värvid ettemääratud ja üsna muutumatud, saab nii mônegi musta joone elu triipkoodis ise valgeks keerata (oleneb ju, kuidas elusündmust enda jaoks tôlgendame), otseloomulikult on môni valgeks värvunud jutike tagasi môeldes väärt hoopis musta värvi. Vôi kollast – elu ei ole kunagi ainult must ja valge. Aga elu võlu seisnebki ju pidevas muutumises. Inimesed, kes ka kôige tumedamatest värvidest heledaid varjundeid leida suudavad, on need, kes minu tähelepanekutel elumere tormistel lainetel kaugele sôuda suudavad.

Elus saavutatud rikkust saabki ju môôta tegelikult alles tagantjärele- kui pikk ja kirev elu triipkood lôpuks kujunes. Ja millisesse sadamasse sôudepaat välja jôudis.  Ja kellega.

Tumedatest joontest ei tohiks liialt heituda, usun –  nende ilmnemine on üsna vältimatu. Järgmiseks on ju ometi heleda triibu kord! Ka see on vältimatu!

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I’m sorry for not having written so long – in terms of these posts I favor the contents over the timeline. The war in Ukraine’s been too depressing to let much else turn up in my thoughts. It has actually brought a few verbal wars with a Putin-minded roommate of mine in the rehabilitation hospital, these almost turned out very bloody as well.

On the first morning after the hospital, on the Good Friday I listened to the biologist, nature writer and observer Fred Jüssi speaking on TV that all the bad things that are happening one’s life should be considered as simple matters of life, nothing else – there are always good and bad events in life happening, and interestingly the latter are more useful as they give us something to learn from. Thinking of his ideas, I realized that the reason some events hurt so much for so long is giving these events some greater and eternal meaning, the event itself hurts only once. Thinking of these moments over and over (and over) is the thing that really hurts and doesn’t let the wound heal – as the owner of a black belt in overthinking, I’ve checked the validity of this argument 😉  Over and over… Fred Jüssi also mentioned that having been contempt (by life or a person) hurts as hell but has a driving force only if we don’t allow it to define us. This must indicate to the need to climb a hill sometimes – to the ability to wipe the tears, sew the wounds and climb on no matter what because on the other side of the hill, there is a relaxing downhill coming. One shouldn’t forget this.

Leaving that kind of life events behind completely, is somewhat idealistic in my opinion because it is not possible for people with very active mind, according to my personal observations. Everything that’s been and what’s done will stay with us anyway (we’ll drag them with us until the end of our lives, whether we want it or not) 

I also don’t see why one shouldn’t look back on one’s life events occasionally – the nice moments bring a good mood that none of us probably wants to live without, the bad moments create a wound over again and having been hit enough times all over again, we learn that looking back at bad events is not necessarily too sustainable.

Looking back cannot be a long-term habit – life goes on and creates new beautiful and ugly moments like a bar code on goods in a store. Similarly to life events, it has white and black stripes of various widths. Life’s bar code is just somewhat longer than a pâté’s usually. We build our life’s bar codes as long as we live. It has many stripes of lighter and darker colours like the events happening in our lives.

When the bar codes in merchandising are predetermined and pretty much unchangeable, in life one can turn a black stripe to a white one only by interpreting the event differently to oneself. In the same way, some white stripes can turn black. Or yellow –life is never black and white, it is about constant change, after all. People, who manage to turn the dark stripes in their bar code the light ones, are those who’ll sail far on the stormy sea of life, according to my observations.

The riches, obtained in one’s lifetime, can be measured in hindsight only – what is the length and colourfulness of their bar code. And which port the boat ended up in. And with whom.

One shouldn’t depress over the dark stripes, I believe – their appearance is pretty much unavoidable. The next stripe will be a light one after all. This is unavoidable as well.

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