Eluga peab alati edasi minema. Ka siis, kui elu on toonud mingi väga suure ja koleda sündmuse. Sellesse kinni jäämine tähendab lôpuks enda depressiooni ja ka teiste inimeste eemalepeletamist. Ehk oma probleemiga ei tasuks end hakata defineerima. Inimeses on ju palju muidki omadusi peale selle ellujääja väärika värvi.
Suhtlesin mônda aega tagasi ühe ajutrauma läbinud inimesega, kes end läbi selle ônnetuse defineeriski. Kahtlemata näitab raskest traumast välja tulemine palju inimese saavutusvôime kohta, aga mis sellest – inimeses on ju veel nii palju eri omadusi ja vôimeid. Minu arvates on ääretult kurb, kui see üks saavutus jääbki ainsaks värviks inimest iseloomustaval vikerkaarel. Ärge laske enestel nii ühetaolisteks muutuda.
Veetsin vanematega ühe aktiivse maikuu nädalavahetuse külas oma andekal noormal vennal ja lapsepõlve kasvamiskaasel Norras, Oslos. Môned paigad, mida kûlastasime, olid tuttavad juba aastatagusest külastusest. Vaatamata sellele paistis kôik kuidagi uuena – môistatasin, mis jama see minu peas on ning siis meenus, et eelmisel aastal vôtsin veel maksimaalset inimesele lubatud annust spastikat leevendavast sügavalt uimastavast Baclofen ravimit. Usun, et aastaid tagasi oli seda medikamenti mulle veel vaja, aga nüüd, peale sellest rohust vôôrutsmist, ei tunneta ma selle järgi mingisugust vajadust. Ka spastika mu lihastes ei ole terapeutide sônul suurenenud.
Sellest soovitus – kui tekib vajadus manustada mingeid väga kangeid ravimeid, soovitan mône aasta pärast katseks end sellest mingiks perioodiks vôôrutada selgitamaks tegelik vajadus ajaga muutunud tingimustes.
Oma esikuseinale oli mu vend riputanud hoiatuselaadse teate “Never run faster than your guardian angel can fly” ehk “Ära eal ületa ruttamisega oma kaitseingli lendamiskiirust”. Minu arvates on tegemist suurepärase soovitusega, tuletades mulle meelde, et ilmselt just sellise vea tegingi. Sama rääkisid minu palalatikaaslased kevadises Pärnu haiglas. Ka nende elutempo ületas enne ajutraumat ilmselgelt nende kaitseinglite liikumiskiirust ning nad sunniti nüüd vaevalisele “puhkusele”.
Mai lôpuosas veetsin taas mônusalt aega lähima sôbrannadeseltskonnaga. Loomulikult eeldab aja veetmine nendega tavalisest oluliselt enamat kônelemist. Ja nii imelikuna, kui see ka ei kôla, TUNDSIN ühel hetkel halvatust haaramas mu suupiirkonda ja kurku. Veider küll, et halvatust saab tunda, kui see muudab juba olemuslikult haaratud piirkonnad tundetuks. Mingis môttes saab nimetada seda ilmselt lausa harivaks kogemuseks. Raske küll öelda, mida sellise ôppetunniga võiksin ette vôtta. Küllap see näha ole ☺
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One has to go on with their life, no matter how big and terrible event life has brought on them. Being stuck in this leads to a quite certain depression for the person itself and also drives everybody else nearby away. Or one shouldn’t define itself through this certain event. A person has so many other colours than this one of a survivor.
A while ago I used to communicate with such a person who quite obviously had no other properties whatsoever (they hid it really well at least). No doubt, surviving and “coming out” of this situation tells quite a bit about a person but so what? People have so many different qualities. In my opinion it is unbelievably sad if this one achievement remains to be the only colour in the person’s rainbow of properties. Please don’t become that uniform and boring.
In May I spent an active family weekend in Norway, Oslo visiting my talented younger brother with my parents. Some places were familiar from a visit a year before but something still was different. I wondered seriously if there is something wrong with my brain but then it hit me – a year ago I was taking a very heady strong medicine for the spasticity in my muscles. A year ago this medicine might have been necessary for me but after estranging from it in November, I feel no need for it any longer. Also my therapists have claimed seeing no increace of spasticity in my muscles.
Therefore I have a suggestion for anybody taking strong medicine – in a few years, estrange from it to see if there really is any need for the drug any longer.
Next to his front door, my brother has put a sign “Never run faster then your guardian angel can fly”. I think of it as a wonderful suggestion also reminding me that I was probably doing exactly the same.
My roommates in Pärnu hospital in spring were saying the same thing. Their pace of life certainly exceeded the speed of their guardian angel and now they were forced to this “vacation”.
In the end of May I spent some great time with the girlfriends closest to me. Spending time with them requires speaking significantly more than usual. It might sound really weird but at some point I FELT the palsy in my mouth and throat. It is really strange that one can feel the palsy while it makes the muscles insensitive by definition. I should take this as a lesson of somekind I guess. I’m not overly sure, of course, what it should teach me. But we’ll see ☺