Mõned aastad enne õnnetust kutsus minu Amsterdami Ülikooli taanlannast kooliõde mind detailide taga ajamise ja tudengile ootamatult suure puhtusearmastuse tõttu Monica’ks seriaalist “Friends” ja umbes selline vist olingi.
Pärast õnnetust aga võttis minus maad mingi ootamatu, aga mitte ka üdini ebameeldiv, hipilik vabalt kulgemise eluviis (vist olukorrast peale surutuna – mis täpsust ja korda ma taga ajan, kui ma iseendagagi hakkama ei saa). Ja mingites eluvaldkondades on see igatahes tervitatav (kõige liiga täpselt dokumenteerimine-planeerimine alati närvide rahu ei too), kuigi töisemates ja isikliku raamatupidamise vallas on Monica väga teretulnud.
Vahel peab oskama ka lihtsalt kulgeda ja loota, et küll kõik sujub – viimasel Pärnu haigla visiidil uuris minu toakaaslane hommikusöögilauas päev enne minu planeeritavat lahkumist, kas kõik kapid ikka asjade kokkupakkimisel ka hoolega üle vaatasin ning minu ükskõikse teate peale, et pakkima ei ole ma tegelikult veel üldse hakanudki ja kui midagi maha jääb, küll ma selle hiljem tagasi saan, märkis et sooviks endalegi nii külma suhtumist. See oli vist üllatav ükskõiksus minule endalegi.
Mõneti suureks heameeleks hakkab detailide ja korra armastus minus taas tärkama ja õnnetuse-eelses elus igapäevane kaasvõitleja Excel saab taas üha tavapärasemaks ja südamelähedasemaks. Sellest võin loota, et vähemalt minu vaim on ellu naasmas ka siis, kui keha veel stardieelset soendust teeb.
Ülikoolis õppisin, et ajaloolistele andmetele tuginedes näitab aktsiaturg u poole aasta jagu ette laiema majanduse seisukorda, loodan väga et vaimne taastumine viitab peatsele taastumisele ka füüsises. Sest füsioloogiliselt peaksidki ju kõik kehaprotsessid just ajust alguse saama. Kuidas iganes minema peaks hakkama, on hea olla taas rohkem iseeneses.
Mina olen alati uskunud, et inimene peab oma maise elu ajal korjama nii palju erinevaid kogemusi, kui võimalik. Mis mõtet sel elul muidu oleks? Seega loodan, et teiegi saate elu jooksul kogeda kõike seda, mida teie ise vajalikuks peate ja et teeksite särava avapaugu juba sel aastal! Head alanud aastat!
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A Danish co-student of mine in Amsterdam University called me Monica (from the sit-com “Friends”) a few years before my accident as I was highly detail-oriented cleanliness-lover. I guess she pretty much nailed it.
Then again, after my accident and the coma-periods a total chill-out hippie took the former maniac’s place, which wasn’t very inappropriate, weirdly enough (mainly due to my situation back then – what kind of order would I demand if I can’t even handle myself?). In many situations the hippie-mind is absolutely necessary (planning-documenting-controlling everything all the time is no bliss for the nerves), although in work situations and in personal bookkeeping Monica is very welcome.
It seems to be necessary to just let things happen and hope for the best sometimes – on the last day of my latest visit to Pärnu hospital my roommate asked me in the breakfast table if I carefully checked all the cupboards, drawers and shelves after packing? She was very surprised of my indifferent reply that I haven’t really thought about packing yet and in case I leave something behind, I’ll probably get it back in my next hospital visit. The indifference was a wee bit surprising for me too.
My detail-loving pain in the ass mentality is on its way back for my great pleasure and gratitude. The MS Excel program that used to capture a great part of my every day before my accident is returning to my life in a fast and determined pace and my love for precision in everything is expanding its presence. This gives me hope that the mental me is returning at least, even when the body is still performing its pre-start warm-up.
In university I learned that the stock market demonstrates the direction of the wider economics by about 6 months, according to the historical data. Therefore, I hope that some kind of mental recovery precedes the physical recovery as well. Physiologically all bodily functions have the beginning in the brain. However things turn out, I’m happy to be a bit more myself again.
I believe that one has to gather as many different experiences as possible in their earthly lifetime. What’s the point of living otherwise? So, I hope you get to experience everything you yourself believe one should have in their lifetime. And I wish you’ll make a shining start to it this year already. Happy New Year!
😉🌹