Lumehelveste ootuses / In anticipation of snowflakes

Kallid kaasamôtlejad,

Taas on lähenemas päev, mida saan suure tänulikkusega oma südames pidada oma teiseks sünnipäevaks.
Uus sünd eeldab uutmoodi inimese saabumist sellesse maailma. Et uuele ruumi teha, peab vana mingil määral taanduma.
Umbes 3 aastat pärast ônnetust saatis mu armas portugallannast sôbranna ja Amsterdami Ülikooli kaastudeng mulle häälsônumi, mille lôpusoovideks lausus “Stay strong. Stay Silvia” või “Jää tugevaks. Jää Silviaks” – sel ajal ja kaua enne/pärast seda olin veendunud, et ma ei muutugi ja jään selleks Silviaks, kellega ta 8 aastat tagasi selles maailma vast värvikaimas linnas tutvus. Pean siiski tunnistama, et selline katsumus muudab inimest – olen môelnud, et isegi tasakaalustavalt. Mu klassivend Astangu keskusest ütles, et tema suhtlusvôime on pärast ônnetust muutunud vabamaks. Minu suhtlemine enne ônnetust oli ääretult vaba ja aktiivne, kuid nüüd olen muutunud vaoshoitumaks ja öeldavat enam valivaks – see varasem “plätserdaja-üliaktiivne-vadistaja” minus on üsna maha rahunenud. Kirjutas ka Vahur Kersna oma raanatus “Ei jäta elamata”, et haigused ja ônnetused kiirendavad inimese enda tuuma juurde naasmist, mis küll valdavalt vanusega kaasneb. Ju olin oma tuumast juba liiga kaugele eemale tüürinud. See on üsna sarnane teatava küpsuse saavutamisega. Seda toetab ka teadus: nimelt saab Londoni Ülikooli teadlaste magnetresonantstomograafi abil tehtud uuringutele tuginedes väita, et traumaga vigastatud aju käitub kui tavalisest 5 aastat vanem.
Ka varasemad ninja-kiirusel tehtavad liigutused on asendunud märksa aeglasemate-kaalutletumatega.
Taastumise kiirendamiseks löön igal tööpäeval püüdlikult kaasa Astangu Kutsetehabilitatsiooni Keskuse peaajutraumadest taastumiskursuse erinevates taastumist toetavates teraapiates. Ja tuleb tunnistada, et naudin seda üha rohkem – meie kursus on kokku pandud väga erinevatest hea huumoritajuga toredatest inimestest nii, et iga päev nende seltskonnas on väga lôbus – naer on ometi terviseks ja tervist tahame taastada me kôik!
Kui kursusele kandideerisin, pani ema mulle ja mu üliarenenud kriitikameelele südamele, et erinevus rikastab – erinevust on selles keskuses tohutult ja usun tôepoolest, et olen nüüd rikkam.
Noore inimese elus juhtub kôik esimest korda, nagu Andrus Vaarik ühe telesaate kohtunikupingis nentis. Minu elus on viimasel kümnendil juhtunud esimest korda tohutult palju rohkem (mitte ainult see viimane ônnetus, millest hoolega taastun), kui mônel juhtub mitme kümnendi vôi lausa terve elu jooksul. Nagu ta lisas: “Noorus on kingitus. Vanadus on saavutus.” Püüelgem kôrgemate saavutuste poole eluga, mille üle saame uhked olla.

Minu Amsterdami Ülikooli aegne sôbranna ja sealne kooliôde vahendas hiljuti môtet:” Be yourself. The world will adjust.” Vôi “Jääge iseendaks. Maailm kohandub.” Ehk olge teie ise ka siis, kui môni “tarkpea” teie püüdluste ja vôimekuse suunas kahtlevaid noote laulab. Seda mitteauroriteetide ignoreerimist toetab tugevasti môte: “Kana ajuga kaugele ei lenda. Olgu vôi kotka tiivad.” Ärge kunagi kuulake neid, keda te ei austa ja kes teile vaid halba kuulutavad, olenemata nende jutustiili intensiivsusest või ametipositsioonist.
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Dear people who are with me in your thoughts,

The day that I can thankfully think of as my second birthday is approaching again.
New birth presumes that a new kind of person arrives in this world. To make room for the new, the old has to recede somewhat.
Approximately 3 years after the accident my dear Portugese girlfriend and my schoolmate from University of Amsterdam sent me a voicemail ending it with wishes “Stay strong. Stay Silvia” – then and for a while before and after that I was convinced that I wouldn’t change and stay that Silvia she met 8 years ago in that city that probably is the most versatile in the world. Nevertheless, I must admit that a tribulation like that changes a person – I’ve even thought that it may even be quite balancing. A classmate of mine in Astangu Vocational Rehabilitation Centre said that his skills for communication have improved after the accident. My communication skills were very relaxed and very active before the accident but now I’ve become more restrained and choose words more carefully – that old part of me speaking wordily of every little thing has cooled down quite a bit.
Even Vahur Kersna (a respected Estonian TV-journalist) wrote in his book “Ei jäta elamata” (“Will not keep from living”) that illnesses and accidents speed up the process of a person returning to its true self, the process that usually comes with aging. I guess I had moved too far from it already. It even might be considered maturing somehow. Even science supports that idea: according to University of London the injured brain looks 5 years older in MRI scan.
Also, the ninja-speed movements I used to make earlier have been replaced with considerably slower well-considered ones.
In order to speed up the rehabilitation process I participate in different therapies for brain injured people in Astangu centre. I must admit that every day I enjoy it more – our class has been put together of very different wonderful people with great sense of humor, so that our company is truly fun –laugh brings heath after all and health is something we all are after.
In spring, while applying for the course, my mother stressed that differences enrich us referring to my over-developed sense of criticism. There is difference immensely in Astangu and I really believe to be enrichened already.
Everything happens for the first time in a young person’s life, as Andrus Vaarik (a beloved Estonian actor) said in a TV-show. In my life there is more happened in the last decade (besides the latest serious accident that I am recovering from now) than some people experience in many decades or even during their lifetimes. He added: ”Youth is a gift, old age is an achievement.” Reach for greater achievements with a life that you can be proud of.

A girlfriend and a schoolmate of mine from the University of Amsterdam recently told me: ”Be yourself. The world will adjust” Or stay yourself even if some “smart-ass” says very doubtful things of your strivings. Ignoring such non-authorities is also supported by a thought “Chicken’s brain will not take far. Even if supported with an eagle’s wings.” Never listen to those who you don’t really respect and who only predict bad future for you regardless of the intensity of their speech or their profession.

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