Jõuluhõngu südameisse / Some Christmas Spirit to the Hearts

Ajast, mis hakkasin Pärnu haiglas ravivisiitidel käima, on môned sôbrad seda sanatooriumi-külastusteks nimetanud, mis arusaadavalt (?) on tekitanud minus vihastamise varjundiga ärrituse. Taastumine EI OLE lôbusôit! Sellekordse Pärnu haigla raviperioodi esimesel  ravinädalal ühel veeprotseduuril môistsin äkitselt, miks seda kohta nii tihti sanatooriumiks nimetatakse. Ja miks see vôib-olla päris üdini vale ei olegi. Môned spastiliste lihaste lôôgastamiseks môeldud veeprotseduurid (eesotsas ohtra vannivahuga rikastatud  mullivanniga) on lôôgastavad tervikuna, ka vaimule. Aga füüsiline paranemine saabki ometi alguse peast ja mõttelaadidest, mistõttu on lõõgastus vajalik sealgi.

Mina vajan eluspüsimiseks suhtlemist ja sotsiaalset elu. Sellesse haiglasse on reeglina sattunud inimesed, kes ilmselgelt seda samamoodi vajavad ja aitavad sel moel minulgi nö “vormis” püsida. Ühisrindelises sümbioosis saame enda ja üksteise kohta nalja teha ja rohkesti mustast mustematki huumorit viljeleda. See meid vist elus hoiabki.

Teisel nädalal sain uue palatikaaslase – heledapäise sirge rühiga püstipäi sammuva ilusa naise. Pärast mônetunnist teraapiates käimist julgesin lôpuks ta vanust küsida. Ta ütles 85! K a h e k s a-kümmend viis. Kui ma poleks ennast juba enne istuma sättinud, oleksin küll ilma mingi kahtluseta suure hooga oma taguotsale prantsatanud. Naine, keda endast vôib-olla mône aasta jagu vanemaks pidasin, on mitu k o r d a vanem??? On tôepoolest hämmastav, kuidas elu mône inimese sedavôrd muutumatuna hoiab – bioloogiline kell on mônel juhul selgelt edasi liikuda unustanud.

Uue palatikaaslase näol kasutasin vôimalust saada pisut elukogenuma inimese vaateid elu küsimustele laiemalt. Nimelt avaldas kirjanik Remarque läbi ühe peategelase sõnade raamatus “Taeval ei ole soosikuid” seisukoha, et pôrgu, mille eest kirik meid hoiatab, ongi tegelikult seesama maine elu, kus läbime pidevalt uusi katsumusi, aga ka rôôme. Sama põrguteooriat toetab ka korduvalt erinevate esoteerikute poolt avaldatud mõte, et inimhinged tulevad maa peale erinevaid raskusi läbima ja õppetunde saama. Jõudsime koos mõistmiseni, et nii see vist ongi ja ka soovini, et meie pôrgud vôtavad ilusamad vormid ja raske paine end igal hetkel enam meelde ei tuletaks. Piinlik tunnistada, aga on rabavalt vähe hetki, mil see pôrguteooria reaalne ei tundu. Aga pôrgust lahkumine omal soovil nôuab ônneks märksa suuremat julgust ja meelekindlust, kui minus on.

Käisin eile Puuetega Inimeste Koja jôulupeol ja môistsin, kui harva näeme enda ônnistatust siinses pôrgus, sest hämmastavalt paljude olukord on ikka môôtmatult koledam ja lootusetum. On nii uskumatult ebaôiglane, et enda murede ûle kurtmise valguses selle asjaolu vahel täiesti varju jätame.

Hinnakem seda, mis meil on ja inimesi, kes seisavad meie kôrval.

Jõuluaeg ei ole hull kingituste jahtimise aeg – selle asemel on tähtis kallitega lihtsalt koos aega veeta ja neid tähele panna. Olen selles viimaste aastate katsumuste valguses aina rohkem veendunud. Hoidke inimesi enda ümber ja laske jõulusoojusel kõigi südametesse valguda!  Soovin, et teie põrgud lööksid jõulu ajal päikeseliselt särama!

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Since I started using rehabilitation services in Pärnu hospital, some of my friends’ve referred to it as a sanatorium. That’s driven me almost crazy at times because rehabilitation IS NOT a joyride. Trust me. Still, having been in the hospital for a few days I started to see what my friends might’ve meant. And why they might’ve not be so incorrect after all. Some water procedures (the bubble bath most remarkably) that is meant to relax spastic muscles, relaxes the mind as well. But as all the healing starts in a person’s head, I believe it is necessary. 

I need an active social life for surviving. Luckily, there seem to be a lot more people in that hospital who need the same thing and therefore help me remain in shape as well. As a uniform team we make fun about ourselves and others (of this team of course :)) and practice dark dark humor. A lots of it. I think this is what keeps us alive. 

On the second week I had a new roommate – a blond, pretty and cheerful woman with really good posture. After a few therapies I went back to our room and asked her age. She replied calmly – 85. E i g h t y five. Hadn’t I sat down a moment before, I would’ve fallen on my butt for sure. A woman that I suspected to be a few years older than me is actually many t i m e s older??? It is remarkable how life is so generous with some people.

As she had quite a bit more life experience than I do, I discussed some life matters with her. The writer Remarque had one of the main characters of the book “Heaven Has No Favorites” say that hell that is much referred to in a church is actually right here on Earth. People come here to overcome lots of difficult challenges but also experience many joys. Together we reached to an agreement with the author on this matter and to a true wish that our hells turn healthier and prettier and that it would stop reminding itself all the time. I’m not proud to admit that there are surprisinly few moments when this hell-theory doesn’t sound so damn real. Luckily the decision to leave this hell demands much greater courage and will-power than I have.

I went to a Christmas party of Estonian Disable People’s House yesterday and understood how rarely we see how blessede be really are because there is quite remarkable number of people who’s situation is so incredibly lot worse and less hopeful. It is awfully unfair that in the light of grieving about our own worries we seem to forget  that matter completely.

Cherish what we have and the people who stand beside us.

Christmas is not a time for chasing down gifts at markets – during the struggles in my last years I’ve convinced that spending time with the close ones and listening to them is much more what Christmas is really about. Love the people around you and let the Christmas warmth enter everyone’s hearts. I wish your hells would sparkle sunnily at Christmas time!

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