Paus on ka osa Elust/ Pauses are parts of Life as well

Môned päevad tagasi tutvustas minu kooliôde sotsiaalmeedias oma tütre viiuliôpetaja manitsust, et “paus on ka osa muusikast.” Ja mônes muusikapalas on pikem paus ju tegelikult meloodilise môtte kohale-lendamiseks suisa hädavajalik. Ka Picasso pidas kunstiteadlaste sônul töödes oma môtete edasikandmiseks oluliseks just tühjust (pausi temale nii omases lôuendikirkuses).

Picasso aktimaal elukaaslane Francoise Gilot’st

Mulle näib, et pikemaid vôi lühemaid pause vajavad ka meie elud. Vôimalik, et ülejäänud elumaali kirkus/elumuusika rütmikirevus suurt tähtsust ei omagi, ka hallid ja pastelsed toonid vôivad enda ümber tühjust vajada. Selles môttes loodetavasti ei ole värvikamate elude peategelased “karistatud” enamate vaikusehetkedega, kuigi nii näib see olevat. Elamine lihtsalt nôuab vahel hingetômbepausi – nagu inimese lihaskond peab taastuma treeningul kogutud pingetest.

Teisalt hindan igati keskmiste seadust (rahuldab seda ka ju sinudoidne liikumine) ehk vôibolla peabki iga pisutki vähempastelse-erksama värvilaigu/ muusikakäigu kôrvale planeerima pausi. Õnnetusi siiski ju küll mitte keegi tavaliselt ette ei planeeri (eeldatavasti) ehk siiski toob kirkamad värvid elupartituuri just ettemääratus ning meie otsustada on, kuidas pausi kasutame.

Pärast pausi jätkub muusika hoogsalt/rahulikumalt edasi – vahel muutub loomulikult taktimôôtki ehk eelnevaga samas rütmis edasi ei minda, kuigi drastilisust kohtab vist pigem harva. Ei juhtu ju tihti, et tangost pärast pausi viini valss saab (vôimatu see siiski ei ole, vôibolla ei ole lihtsalt mina sellist teost veel kohanud)

Minu paus saab täna 10 aastat vanaks. Selline pikem môtte- vôi lihaste taastumise ja treeningute paus. Kuna mul oma elu partituuri ees ei ole, ei julge ma ka väita, kas minu kirev tango jätkub vôi saab sellest näiteks klassikahônguline, väärikas fokstrott vôi môni kirglik mustlasviis. Vôi hoopis lôbus polka? Vôi on paus lôputu. Loodan, et see tühimik siiski läbi saab, uued tangorütmid sisse vôtab ja ka noodirea lôpumärk veel mônda aega ei terenda.

Paus kannab muusikas alati mingit môtet. Kannab edasi eelnevat käiku vôi valmistab ette järgnevaks. Kuigi näiteks viiuldaja sôrmedele (ainus pill, millega mul kogemusi on) toob pikem paus orkestriseadetes päris mônusa puhkuse, et siis dirigendi entusiastliku viibutuse peale “edasi kütta”, vôib paus elus tuua lisaks ka teatava järelemôtlemisaja, millesse selle pikkusest sôltuvalt erineval hulgal eri tempode/meeleoludega uusi viise pikkida saab. Selles môttes oleme osalt siiski iseenda elude heliloojad – ettemääratuse partituuri kirjutame sisse oma viisijupikesi. Ja teos saab selle vôrra värvikamaks-rikkamaks.

Oma järelemôtlemisaega olen loodetavasti igati sihipäraselt kasutanud, lisaks puhkusele ja suurele tööle järgmise viisijupi saabumise nimel ka paljud väärtused oma elus ümber hinnanud. Kuna lihtsalt järelemôtlemine ja ka treening on minu jaoks ületamatu passimine paigalseisus, olen oma pausile lisanud vôimalikult palju eri tempode ja värvingutega uusi viise Eesti puuetega inimeste elutingimuste parandamises maksimaalselt kaasarääkimise/ enese harimisega teiste sarnase saatusega inimeste aitamiseks ja ka isiklike huvide laiendamisega. Loodan, et need viisijupikesed kannavad edaspidistes suurteose osades oma rolli ja on sellele teatavaks eelmängukski.

Kohtusin môttega: “Asjad ei juhtu mitte sinuga, aga pigem sinu jaoks, et sa saaksid juhitud sinu jaoks ôigele teele.” Juhtumiste all mõtleme reeglina negatiivset, sest õnnestumised ja rõõmujuhtumid jätavad üldpilti sügavamaid jälgi pigem harva.

Saatus vôi Jumal paneb inimese elu pausile, et sa ei saaks hakata tema hinnangul vales suunas rügama ehk pead sunniviisiliselt ootama ära oma aja, et just see ôige tôkkepuu tôuseks vôi noot just sulle sobivaimas rütmis jätkuks – seda môtet tutvustati mulle juba minu pausi esimestel taktidel (vôi umbes partituuri kolmandal leheküljel, kui maailmast aru saama hakkasin), äkki on sel jumetki? Päris veendunult saan väita, et pealesunnitud pausita oleksin sajas erinevas vales suunas rassinud, higipull otsaees, ôiget teed märkamatagi (just selline ülbik olingi). Mul ei ole veel aimugi, mis see ôige tee olema peaks – kôik tôkkepuud minu ees on esialgu kindlalt kinni. Aga äkki aeg annab arutlust.

Kirevamad/drastilisemad juhtumised vôivadki olla tôsiseltvôetavate pauside eeltingimuseks nagu eelpool mainitud, et see saaks neid vääriliselt edasi kanda ja inimesele vajalikku järelemôtlemis-aega pakkuda. Seetôttu vôiks ju arvata, et kindlam on elada pastelsetes toonides keskpäraste rütmidega elu, kuid kas kirevuskogemuste saavutamine ei olegi mitte üks pôhjuseid elamiseks ja teatav pôhjendatuski eluvôimalusele üldse?

Eile pidas Ameerika kultuuriruum Tänupühi, mille raames môeldi ohtralt, mille üle tasuks tänulik olla. Tänulikkuse osas oma pii-ii-ka pausi eest olen tegelikult väga kahevahel, sest koos ajaga isikliku arengu môttes on see toonud ka kuhjaga piinlemist, valu ja ebameeldivusi nii minule, kui minu lähedastele. Lisaks olen kaotanud 10 aastat, mis paneb mu eakaaslastega vôrreldes väga nigelasse seisu.

Olen kuulnud, et ka halva eest tuleb tänulik olla, sest see vormiski meid tänasteks inimesteks, eks püüan siis. Selle eest, et minu partituur ei saanud 10 aasta eest noodirea lôpumärki, vaid jätkus pausiga, olen dr Sokchanile tänulik küll.

Soovitan pause oma elus tähele panna ja neid ära kasutada eeskätt hingetômbena, kuid ka prioriteetide ümberhindamise ja iseenda viisijupikeste lisamisena. Lisaks soovitan püüda ka pauside eest tänulikkust tunda – teine variant oleks ilmselt olnud noodirea lôpumärk.

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My friend from school introduced a reminder from her daughter’s violin teacher – pauses are a part of music – some days ago in social media. A longer pause is crucial for the idea to reach the listener in some pieces of music. Picasso is said to have appreciated the emptiness (or a pause in his colorful works) as well, according to some art scientists.

Picasso’s act of his life partner Francois Gilot

Shorter or longer pauses are needed in life as well, the color variability of the rest of the painting isn’t important at all, possibly – even gray and pastel colors might need some emptiness beside them. That’s why I hope that protagonists of more colorful lives aren’t “punished” with extra moments of silence, although it sure seems to be that way. Living simply needs a breathing space sometimes – same as the body needs to recover from the muscle tensions after a workout.

On the other hand I cherish the law of the averages (the sinusoid movement also satisfies it), so maybe every brighter/less pastel color does need a pause to be planned next to it. Accidents are rarely planned, I believe, meaning that more colorful scenes are already written in the music scorebook by predetermination and it is for us to decide how well the pause will be used.

After the pause the music continues vigorously/much more calmly – sometimes the speed of the music changes as well but very drastic changes are rather rare in my experience. It shouldn’t be very common that a tango becomes a Viennese waltz after the pause (or maybe I haven’t met that piece just yet)

My pause reaches 10 years of age today. It’s been a longer pause for thinking and recovering the muscle work in my body. As I don’t have the music score book in front of me, I’ve no idea if it’ll continue as a tango it was before or as a classic, dignified foxtrot or some passionate gypsy melody. Or a fun polka? Or is the pause endless? I sure hope the emptiness will come to an end, picks up some new tango rythms and doesn’t present the character marking the end of the music piece for some time. 

The pause usually indicates a certain idea in music. Either it carries on the melody preceding it or prepares us for whats coming next. Although I must say that in orchestra settings the pauses are a great way to relax the fingers quite a bit for a violinist (I have no experience with other music instruments), just to press on at the mark of the conductor, the pauses in life additionally bring a certain time for a reflection that one can fill with their own melodies, depending on the lenth of the pause. We are the composers of our life’s music partly this way – in the music score book of predetermination we can add our own melodies with different tempos and different spirits. And the final creation becomes much more colorful and enriched this way.

I’ve hopefully used my own reflection time in the utmost purposeful way and in addition to the relaxng and great work with rehabilitation to make the following melody possible, I’ve re-evaluated many values of life. As I find re-evaluating and working out alone impossible stagnation, I’ve added many melodies of different tempos and moods to my music score book by contributing to improvement of lives of the disabled in Estonia as much as I possibly can and taken different courses to improve my knowledge and wide interests. I very much hope these melodies have a more or less significant role in the future parts of my masterpiece.

I came across with the idea: “Things don’t just happen to you but rather for you for you to be guided to the right path in your life” By thing happening, we usually mean negative things as the positive ones rarely leave a strong mark in our lives.

The Fate of God sets your life on a pause, so that you couldn’t sweat in a totally wrong path in His opinion, so you just must wait for the right gate to open or the music to continue in a correct rythm – I was introduced this idea in a beginning of my pause period, so maybe it’s not that wrong after all? I’m totally convinced that I would’ve sweatted hard in about a hundred wrong directions without taking notice of the correct path (I used to be that arrogant indeed) hadn’t the pause been forced upon me. I have no clue what the right path’s supposed to be – every gate in front of me is shut at the moment. Maybe the time will tell.

The more drastic occasions might as well be the presumptions for seriouls pauses, as mentioned before, so that they could carry the impressions worthily and give the person enough time for reflections. So one might think that living pastel or grey life beating in mundane rythms is somewhat safer but isn’t reaching of spicy experience one of the main reasons to live ot even the justification for living?

American culture celebrated Thanksgiving yesterday. People thought lots of reasons to be thanful for due to that. I’m not very sure of my thankfulness for the lo-ooo-ng pause to be honest because together with the personal development it’s brought so incredibly much suffering, pain and inconvenience to me and my close ones. To top it off I’ve lost 10 years that puts me in a very sad position, compared to my peers.

One has to be thankful for the bad as well, I’ve heard – that’s what shapes us to be the people we are today – so I guess I’ll try. I am truly thankful to dr Sokchan for my music score book didn’t end with the ending character 10 years ago but continued with a pause instead.

I recommend to notice pauses in your life and use them both as the time to relax and also reflection of life and re-evaluating life’s true values but also adding one’s own pieces of melody. Moreover, I recommend trying to feel thankful for the pauses – the other option being the end character of the music, most likely.

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