Mündi peidus pool /The hidden side of the coin

Igal mündil on kaks poolt, on levinud tôde, mis mitmete argumentide alguspunktiks. Sama asjaolu kehtib ka väga raske trauma toonud ônnetuste kohta. Kas pole nii, et pärast mônd täiesti enaônnestunud olukorda (=ônnetust) suudane näha vaid valu ja piina ning kôike seda, mis meilt ära vôeti?

Nii tegin minagi, sest kuigi seda on väga raske näha ja veel raskem endale tunnistada, eriti esimeste traumajärgsete aastate vältel, tundub mulle nüüd, pea 7 aastat pärast seda peaaegu väga saatuslikku traagilist avariid, et ka sel mündil tôepoolest on teinegi, heledam pool.

Loomulikult viis see avarii endaga enamuse minu füüsilisest vôimekusest, paljastas väga oluliseks hinnatud lähedaste inimeste südantmurdva reetlikkuse ja tôi kaasa mitmed aastad kestnud sügava valu, vaeva ja kannatused – see külg minu viimaseid aastaid peegeldavast mündist ei tohiks tulla üllatusena mitte kellelegi teist.

Parem hilja, kui mitte kunagi – alles hiljuti jôudis minuni môistmine, et ka sel mündil on teine, palju ilusam, pool. Olen alles viimastel ônnetusejärgsetel aastatel aru saanud, kui palju mu sôprade lähiring ja pere, kelle jaoks mul enne kahetsusväärselt vähe aega ja tähelepanu jätkus, minust tegelikult hoolivad. See on näide ainult minu saatusest, olen veendunud, et raske trauma järel tunnevad selliselt paljud.

Kôlab ääretult isekana, sest minu ônnetus on toonud palju kannatusi ka teistele, aga sellised suured traumad tôesti avavad silmad ja lasevad näha, mis/kes elus tegelikult tähtis on. Oma kiiretes eludes vôime selle tahtmatult täiesti kahe silma vahele jätta ja mingitele oludele/inimestele oma elus iseenesestmôistetavuse sildi külge kleepida. Siis teebki elu vist valusa korrektuuri, et su silmad siiski avada.

Ma ei julgeks üldse välistada, et see on järjekordne nö “vabanduse otsimine” minu enda jaoks, aga seda häbiväärseks pidada ma siiski ei suuda, sest sisemise rahu leidmine on füüsilise taastumise jaoks minu arvates möödapääsmatu algtingimus.

Kôigest eelnevast hoolimata tuletab mündi koledam pool end mulle siiski igapäevaselt väga valusalt ja piinarikkalt meelde ja on pannud môtlema ka vôimalusele, et selline hädine abivajaja elu ongi minu saatus. Mis on tôesti masendav. Aga ma ei ole allaandja ja annan kôigest hoolimata oma parima, et näha mündi head poolt ning ühel hetkel sinna jõuda.

Olen täiesti veendunud, et igal väiksemalgi mündil on kaks poolt – oma kurbuse ja kaotusvalu kôrval püüdke see leida ka eriti närusest igapäevasest olukorrast – uskuge mind, ka rasket on siis oluliselt kergem kanda.

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Every coin has two sides, is a common truth, a starting point for many arguments. Believe it or not – the same seems to apply for accidents that have resulted with very serious concenquences. I believe it to be quite true that after some really unfortunate situations (=accident) we can only see all the pain and suffering it has given us, we can only concerntrate on everything that’s been taken from us.

I used to do the same. Still, even though it is very difficult to see and so much harder to admit to oneself, it seems to me now (almost 7 years after the accident) that this coin really does have a brighter side indeed, surprising as it may seem.

The accident took most of my physical capabilities, revealed heartbreaking betrayal of some of the people that I’d thought of as permanent and gave me unbelievable sorrow, pain and suffering lasting for many years – I believe none of you considers that part of my coin surprising in any way.

Better late than never but I’ve understood just recently that this really unfortunate coin also has its other, a brighter side. In recent years only, I’ve come to the understanding of how deeply my closest circle of friends and family really care about me, even though I had regrettably little time for them before the accident. This is an example of my faith only, I’m convinced that many feel the same after serious traumas.

It sounds awfully selfish (because my accident’s brought lots of suffering to others as well) but such huge injuries really do open one’s eyes to see what/who i’s really important in their life. We can accidentally overlook that and take some things/people for granted. Then life corrects us painfully in order to open our eyes.

I cannot completely rule out the chance that this is just another “excuse” for myself but as I really believe mental stability and peace of mind to be the prequisite for a physical recovery, I feel no ashame seeing things this way.

Despite all the previous, the darker side of the coin reminds itself to me very painfully daily and has forced me to think of as possibility that this miserable life of a non-independant person might actually be my faith. That would be extremely depressing. But I’m not a defeatist, I’m never willing to give up and I’ll give my absolute best to see the better side of the coin and reach there one day.

I’m certain that even the smallest coin has two sides – alongside your sorrow and loss, try to see the hidden side from every everyday situation – believe me, even the darkest burden is remarkably lighter to carry this way.

 

 

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